Parenting in the times of Covid
“The best kind of parent you can be is to lead by example.”
Drew Barrymore, actress
As cliched as this topic might sound (every one is suddenly telling parents how to deal with their toddlers, tweens, teenagers etc. as if they have been doing it all wrong till now), the topic is very sensitive and deep enough to be researched. I do not intend to talk about human psychology here although, but somehow Covid has definitely changed the way our kids are growing. The impacts are clearly visible across the entire generation (this generation is being called Gen-C by some) like earthquake fault lines (after all Covid did shook us all enough like a never ending earthquake with massive afterjolts) and might leave permanent scars on the minds of the young ones. While Covid was testing everyone’s patience specially the affected families, our children were thrown in unknown zones where everything around them seemed to fall apart, with no rescuers, no Godfathers, no angels – just a lot of panic.
Now, kids (of any age across the stratum) are quite homogenous. What they seek for, is by and large similar which includes – attention but individual space, a voice to be heard, room for creativity, some chill time to do nothing at all (a concept unknown to a large percentage of adults including me) and biggest of all Peace of mind.
Now when we put these above-mentioned requirements parallelly together we think of a very Utopian world which has the perfect surroundings, perfect families, perfect friends and perfect schooling. But Covid pushed them into a dark zone with no footlights to navigate, no mentors to guide, no angels to provide comfort and certainly no teachers to discipline (here we refer to offline mode). So, what most of the families witnessed was a rambling situation full of panic, fear and hopelessness. Nobody saw this coming and nobody was prepared, thus began the anarchy.
Our no-discipline zone comprised of no sleep/wake-up timings, unlimited access to digital content (censored/uncensored) to keep ourselves busy during lockdowns, erratic food timings coupled with eating junk and quick processed foods due to ease of cooking etc. This was like a series of domino effect where everything toppled and came onto changing our habits over the course of the 700-odd days. This long ordeal was a rollercoaster ride with no seatbelts, to timer and certainly no safety nets.
The effects are visible to us, when kids are returning to normalcy (New Normal/Newest new normal/finally new normal and many more versions- whatever we want to call it here). Some of the typology of kids (the author mentions to them as ‘Lots’ evolved over the period of time (as analyzed by the author) are: the list is certainly not exhaustive
- Detached kids: These are the kids who could not have any social interactions as their neighbourhood did not have age-specific kids thus were left into the company of adults and gadgets, went on to become very quiet and started to seek for solace within themselves. It is definitely dangerous as this might affect their future interactions at school and they would take longer than usual to get back to normalcy. These were most common in nuclear households where the child was usually having the company of working parents who had little time to devote and monitor and thus fell to the hands of technology (again the author does not have any hard feeling for nuclear/working parents, just that the situation was not supportive).
- Hyper kids: This is the toughest of the entire lot, as their energies which should have been channelled into constructive fields, have been mostly drained by watching YouTube videos or playing PlayStation games –with less/no social interactions. Engaging into content which might not have been age-specific or inclined more towards violence/ speed morphs their minds and what resulted into, was a blender-without-a-stop-button situation which was churning drinks non-stop but without any takers.
- Cheerful and empathetic kids: Since most of us were grounded with our families for a long time and did not have much to do – we bonded. This lot of kids who were in joint setups had loads to learn from grandparents/aunts/uncles (author does not mention parents as kids usually do not really listen to parents) and became more empathetic and cheerful amongst the lot as they got attention, knowledge and pampering – all at the same time. Thus, this lot is a happy-go-lucky although they might at times behave in a spoilt manner due to the bucketful attention they received. But by and large this lot would bounce back faster as they embrace social circles and have infectious energies.
- Smart kids: Covid might mostly have negative impacts, but some percentage of the population aptly utilised the time and diverted their kids time methodically into various fields (which they might have not explored otherwise due to lack of time) and thus, there has been a reincarnation of a hybrid breed which is super smart, super talented and super vocal. I call them the Multitalented Independent Lot (MIL) as they are juggling too many hats effortlessly under the supervision of their over-the-top parents who track their activities 24×7 to extract the last of the juices. They have been able to shine through the sky and have made their parents proud by being super-performers. This lot is definitely worth-praising and might grow faster than the rest of them, but I guess somewhere their childhood might be suffering and they might need some a bit of slowing down, but overall kudos to them.
The above mentioned categories are few which came across the author’s mind (there might be tonnes more and they might be overlapping at places as well), but the bottom line being, we as parents need to now focus on basic things rather than be ambitious for our kids as returning to schools after a 2 year long (unwanted) gap has had remarkable changes and effects on their mental well-being and we slowly need to nurture them back into a comfort zone to ensure they do not get overwhelmed. Few of the small things we can do to ensure a balanced, slow progression:
- Spend quality time with the kids – To largely understand what is going on in their lives on a day-to-day basis, as things are changing very fast. Having meaningful interactions with the kids keeping in mind their age and nature, we can break the stereotype image of parents and become friends to our kids.
- Listen to their concerns – As we know kids mostly do not lie, until they are seeking for fun/escape from work. Their concerns might have everlasting impacts and can-do irreversible damage, if not addressed timely thus do not shun their voices.
- Do nature outings – One thing that Covid has taught us is to respect Mother Nature, or else it would hit back to you. Doing nature walks, talking about seasonal foods, exploring name of trees and their benefits, bird-watching etc. does not only ensure respect for Mother Nature but also makes them empathetic human beings, which is very essential to their overall development. A trip to the nursery, local bird sanctuary or farmers market would be better than shopping in malls (cheaper also!)
- Reinforce values often – When we reinforce concepts, the image or thought gets embedded in our brains and we start functioning accordingly. This will ensure they understand the importance of values, traditions and culture. Respect, care, empathy, sharing etc. are values the millennial generation was not taught but it got embedded as it was practiced in our daily lives. We did not have Value education as a subject, but now it is taught in schools as a mandatory subject for a reason, as we might have realised we need to review our cultural base.
- Avoid screaming – The toughest of all (tougher than climbing Mt. Everest or cracking IAS exams), but screaming is of no help as the child might become used to our actions and ignore our concerns, as screaming would be just another tool adopted by the parents to torture kids. Thus, refraining from screaming and ensuring that the matter is solved by mindful interactions is the best resort.
Although the above pointers would have been repeatedly discussed in books/blogs/articles/self-help resources it became imperative for the author to write and open the Pandora’s box to other parents as:
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
Ewan McGregor, actor
Have fun Parenting!!!
AN URBAN LENS 